Skip to main content

Leader of My Pack

Over the last few months, I noticed there are a few people I f*ck with and a few people who f*ck with me.  What's even funnier is those people are not the same on both sides. I have changed how I move with a lot of people; some do not seem to have noticed.

This should not come as a surprise to any of them, because I told them personally.  I didn't say, I am not going to mess with you anymore.  Instead, I said I am not happy with this relationship and this is why.  

That was all I said about it. No, "This what you can do to fix it."  Simply stated, if they want to fix it they will or will ask how it can be fixed.  If they do not act, it is okay. I have already cried my tears over loss of the relationship.

All the pain I was feeling before the conversation, was me grieving the death of the relationship.  By expressing my displeasure, I was able to free myself of that grief and move forward.  

Yes, I still "see" them around me and in some cases still love them.  The difference is, I no longer let them hurt me. I know exact what to expect from them. I no longer have depend on them to help nourish my soul or feed my companionship, without an invitation from myself first.  

I've been learning a lot about limiting and protecting myself from anything and everyone which does not enrich my life in some way.  The hardest lesson has been learning NOTHING can be immune from this process.  This practice is about creating and accepting peace within myself. Setting boundaries can be immensely difficult, but equally rewarding.  

I will not beg for love.  I will not beg for attention.  I will not beg for respect.  I will not even ask or demand them.  If my actions and interactions do not lend themselves to receiving those gifts, then the universe has shown that particular person is not meant to reside my life at this time.  I will no longer force it.  I will not take it personal.   


Popular posts from this blog

Cowboy Beans

I wanted one of my first posts to be Chicken Nachos.  As I got my list together to get the ingredients for these epic nachos, I realized there are a few mini recipes which go into this - namely: Cowboy beans, guacamole and pico de gallo. I decided Cowboy beans would be a great place to start.
My Cowboy beans are cross been between baked beans and chili beans.  I use bacon, leftover Tri Tip and Beef Brisket. They came out amazing. Now, if you do not any left over brisket and Tri Tip laying around, you can always make this with all bacon
Did I mention these are made in the slow cooker?  Ohh yes!  Of course you can do this in a pot on the stove as well.  
I took two packs of dried pinto beans and put them in a slower cooker covered with twice as much water.

After 8 hours I drained the beans, then added garlic, dried oregano (Mexican), onions, jalapeno, bell pepper, bacon, Tri Tip, Beef Brisket, cumin, salt, pepper, chili powder and molasses.  The slower cooker turn to low and left to cook f…

Take a Sip and Get Ready

Enjoying a caramel latte and sesame seed bagel with #lemon poppy seed #cream cheese at a local coffee house before a day of appointments is one of the ways I slow myself down before a big day.  My mind can get carried away with what-ifs, which can snowball into a bout of anxiety.  Take a moment to enjoy the morning before busy day helps me stay calm and collected.

A Little Bit About Tay

Part of the reason I left CA, my home of 43 years, was be able to live a better life and to possibly make my dream of bring my cooking to the masses come true.  This is so very important me as, I thought this dream was lost to me.

For those who you who don't know, I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. The year of 2014 was almost the last of my life.  Things crashed down on me in a major way.  In time with hard work, I was able to become more stable; however, my cooking ability took a major hit.

I was not able to do things instinctively as I once had. I found myself having to go back to using, timers, recipes and other techniques which I had long left behind.  So many times cried over burnt or undercooked food.  I wasn't able to grocery shop in the same way or even make a menu.  For a while, I wanted to give up on cooking all the together.  I found myself growing more depressed.

For those who know me understand, giving up isn't exactly in my vocabulary.  This meant too much to …