Mental Health,  Personal Experiences

I Let You Go: A Lesson

I let you go

I Let You Go

“Have you noticed I’ve been ignoring you?”

“Yep.”

“Why haven’t you said anything?”

“Because it doesn’t bother me. I am no longer interested in people doing things only because I want them to do it. “

“So you’re saying you don’t care about me anymore? “

“I’m saying I don’t care to make you into something you are not. “

“Which is what? “

“Someone special to me.”

Sometimes we hold on so tightly it becomes painful; however, we often forget we have the option to let go.  We only think about how painful it will be to let this person go while simultaneously ignoring the pain we are currently experiencing. By not letting go, we extend the life of the hurt indefinitely.  In my case, I felt if I let the relationship go, it would be a failure on my part.  Therefore, let’s be clear; it is not your fault.  On the other hand, it may not be anyone’s fault.   

For this post’s purpose, the word “relationship” is defined as all types of relationships.  These include family, platonic, and romantic. Sometimes individuals drift apart naturally.  People come and go throughout our lifetime, each offering their own lessons. Moreover, some relationships end due to a misfortune incident, such as the other party passes away. There does not need to be a big blowup or betrayal to sever a relationship.   I found it hard to terminate a relationship when there wasn’t an event that caused the breakup.  In my mind, being unhappy was not a good enough reason to take my toys and go home.  But why not?  Why wasn’t having my needs met enough for me to walk away? 

Honestly, I can say guilt had a hand in my overstaying in relationships.  I felt guilty about having expectations for people, and I should have been happy with what I was given. Looking back at it now, I realize how silly that was.  There is nothing wrong with having expectations and boundaries.  What is the point of carrying around a friendship which does nothing for you? For me, it was so I can say I had friends.   Consequently, they were not my friends but merely placeholders.  

Do not get me wrong; I am not saying you should not repair relationships that mean a lot to you.  On the contrary, I am saying once you have expressed your concerns and nothing changes, it may be time to consider the friendship’s value.  Regardless of what some may believe, you can not force someone to treat you how you want to be treated.  There are several reasons for this, but I find there are two main reasons.  They may not have the compacity or the inclination to provide what you desire.  As you can imagine, it is hard to get comfortable with those ideas.  Nonetheless, once you understand and respect someone’s boundaries, as well as your own, walking away becomes easier.  There is no blame. No guilt. There may be sadness; it is okay to grieve a loss. The grief will subside, but if you continue to stay in a relationship that hurts you, the wound never closes.  

At some point, we must stop begging people to invest in us.  I had to take a hard look at why staying connected to someone, who had obviously disconnected from me, was so important.  The lesson I learned, I needed to invest in myself.  All of the attention I wanted to give away to someone else; I needed to provide it to myself.  Thus I began to invest in myself.  Indeed it took a while before I was comfortable to let go.  Once I did, I started to feel better.  The anxiety of losing this friendship diminished because I clipped the strings. The best lesson I received was the ability to see when a relationship had run its course.  I am no longer afraid to tell them, ” I let you go. “

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